Exchanging gifts is an expression of love. It strengthens trust and bonds with partners. Beyond that, financial assistance aids a partner’s growth. Having someone that offers you financial aid to support your business, add to your school fees, or finance a project in your career life is bliss.
Though not mandatory, aiding each other in financial difficulty is expected in every relationship. But this can be an issue if a party requests more than necessary and drains their partner in the name of love they share.
The social structure requires men to be in charge of financial obligations or at least spend more in a relationship or marriage. It can be overwhelming if a guy continuously requests money from her girlfriend with no refund.
My boyfriend is draining me financially!!
The woman may not be so concerned if she has enough. Her concern may stem from the fear of the man being financially irresponsible when they tie the knot.
At a time, he is expected to foot bills and spend on the family. If he is not serious about his life, he may not get it right in the future.
I am not against supporting your partner when he needs your help. But as a young lady, it is best to date a financially prudent man who can care for the family.
You need to pay attention to a man that’s financially draining you. You need to know whether he’s deliberately collecting money from you; some of his actions would suggest that.
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Let’s look at possible signs suggesting your boyfriend is financially draining you.
Signs my boyfriend is draining me financially
1. He acts responsibly at first
Most financially irresponsible men act lovely and pay every necessary bill shared. He will appear comfortable enough to finance himself, spoil you with gifts, and even give you money without requesting.
This is usually at the initial stage of the relationship. He wants you to trust and love him and be unable to say no whenever he pushes the request for money.
Beyond money and gifting, he will show you really care and always make you feel at ease.
After a few months, he will start complaining about how he is low on cash. You will think supporting him is the right thing to do. Slowly but steadily, he will keep exploring your kind gesture and taking a fortune off you.
2. He constantly lies about his finances but talks about yours
A financially draining boyfriend will lie continuously to get his wants from you. He will always assure you of his plan to pay you back.
He will lie about where and how to source the money to refund you. He will use another lie to cover up when it’s time for him to pay up, and he will keep on with the lie.
While he lies and avoids discussing his finances, he will be interested in knowing yours. His discussion will centre around how he can help you invest in profitable businesses. He will act as a jack of trades to all business ideas to convince you.
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Also, a financially draining boyfriend will hardly talk about his worth or issue that has to do with his presumed business, except if you ask.
His response to your questions about his means of getting money will be partially true or coherent.
3. He criticizes every financial decision you make
A financially draining boyfriend will care about your spending habits more than how he cares about how you earn money. He only criticizes your spending habits and won’t support you in spending money on things he will not profit from.
He disapproves of many things you want to buy for yourself but instead approves of things you will share with him.
He can even ask you to account for your recent spending. While he spends on expensive clothing, entertainment, and touring, he will criticize you for doing the same.
He makes significant financial decisions without asking for your opinion or can refuse to collaborate with you on doing business together. You Both have different financial mindsets.
4. He spends extravagantly
If he has palatable taste with no known means of income, he will likely get the financing from you if he can’t afford it. He will make sure he exploits you to satisfy his extravagant life.
His tactic may not be to directly ask you for money; he can bring up an excuse of having an issue with his card or forgetting to bring it along and promise to refund you later.
Additionally, if he lacks savings and has addictions like gambling to spend on, he will drain you as he has no source of income to maintain such a lifestyle.
5. He shows special attention when he wants money
Always notice the time he gives you more attention than usual. He will show you more attention before making his request. He can even buy you gifts or cash to make you think he is so engrossed in love with you.
After some weeks, he will complain about how he urgently needs some money and has no means to get it. You will feel the need to help him if you have enough.
His overnight caring gestures will vanish after getting the money from you and repeat the same when next he needs money.
6. He is jealous and overprotective
He will find all possible means to keep you to himself so far you keep giving him money. He is used to the style of life you are making him enjoy.
He will isolate you from listening to a third party that may advise you otherwise. He will go berserk when he sees you chatting with a man he doesn’t know.
7. He has an entitlement mentality
It is an entitlement mentality for your boyfriend to be angry after you turn down his request because you do not have enough of what he is requesting or feel his request is becoming excessive.
Sometimes, he can go silent and refuses to communicate with you for days because you cannot keep up with his request.
He can go to the extent of indirectly blackmailing you on social media. He can start posting how girls do not support their boyfriends financially.
He is not remorseful for his lack of financial prudence but is willing to drain you.
My boyfriend is draining me financially: How to stop him
1. Access the situation
Even if any of the signs mentioned above are indicated in his behaviour, do not presume he aims to exploit your generosity yet. Assess the situation before you decline not to aid him financially.
Has he recently lost his job? Or do you feel he is not hiding any secrets from you? Or do you think he has a big project on which he spends vast amounts?
He may be requesting money literally to seek support and not to exploit you.
Until you realize that he is lying to collect money from you or you feel the pressure from his consistent request, it is expected you aid your boyfriend in his financial downtime if you have enough.
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2. Communicate your concerns
Communication rights every wrong in a relationship. Genuinely open up about how he is draining you financially, and try to be specific about your concerns.
Tell him how it is affecting your financial growth. Express yourself in a non-aggressive way and wait on his reaction.
If he is remorseful and ready to fix himself, he is only financially constrained at the moment. If he is angry and threatens you with a breakup, he has an entitlement mentality and doesn’t see a future with you.
3. Tell him to find a job
If your boyfriend is draining you financially because he has low or no source of income, it is high time you persuade him to get a paying job that can foot his bill.
You can also help him in seeking job opportunities from family and friends. It is wise you help him pay for courses or professional exams that can get him a job.
After getting the job, his financial pressure will no longer be on you; he will even spend on you when needed.
4. Make a Budget
You may not control your boyfriend’s spending, but you can make financial discipline for yourself. Making a budget will aid your spending habits.
You give him money only when necessary and convenient enough.
5. Stop giving him money
This may be challenging for you to do, but you need to learn how to say no, sometimes. I understand you love him, but stop feeling guilty because you cannot send him money.
Tell him you can no longer financially support him, except at your convenience. Make boundaries on your financial and love life.
6. Seek support
If you still want the relationship but are being hurt by this action, try talking to a third party about it.
Seek help from a financial advisor to get advice on managing your finances, or you both can have a session with a relationship counsellor to help stabilize the relationship derailing due to the financial controversy.
7. End the Relationship
If he doesn’t change after you explore all the measures mentioned for your sanity and growth, break up with him. You can’t afford to have a financially reckless person as a soul mate.
If he constantly drains your finances to finance his lifestyle, he doesn’t love you but is after your money.