It is no gainsaying that when hurt, frustration and negativity find their way into a marriage. It is also no surprise that divorce may erupt in the mind. You may keep harnessing the thought of when is divorce the right answer for you in other to make a way out of the bitter situation.
When you get married, you dream of having a happy home and building a castle of love together that will be a point of reference to the coming generations. You hope to make your dream come true together. But as time went on, things started going south.
You slowly begin to discover things about your partners that rub you off your happiness and get on your nerves. It is a natural occurrence because your spouse is not a superhuman expected to be perfect.
Indeed, every single marriage is expected to face a high and low moment, and difficulty is an integral part of a successful marriage.
Still, it is imperative to determine when the time has come to give divorce a chance and set free your life from what has seemed a bondage and depressing stay.
The real problem is that it is complicated to make this crucial decision because you are unsure whether to try harder to make the union hold or opt for what can easily save your life.
How to know when divorce is the right answer
The first step to getting out of a marital dilemma is to answer and justify some salient questions in your mind.
The justification of the self-thought questions helps balance the probability and make you arrive at a logical conclusion.
Most of the time, something that feels like a broken marriage could be a set of challenges the couple must struggle against to reach a deeper bond and have a more understanding relationship.
Signs to know when is divorce the right answer for you
1. When you are sure you are not the problem
The accusation you always level against your spouse or you think your partner is not trying to meet your expectations or not mutually getting along with your spouse, ask yourself, am I really the problem?
Are you contributing well enough to the success of the family and building a home? You have to give your all to receive all you deserve.
Take an honest self-inventory rather than fall into a blame game and overreact all the time. Reflect on the thing you are doing that is contributing to the unhappiness of the marriage.
Reflect on why the marriage is not working and anything you can do to rescue it from crumbling.
The case might be your spouse isn’t doing what is fitting enough because you’re not doing the expected basics, or he is just nonchalant about building a successful marriage.
All these stem from making an objective and critical analysis of the challenges you are battling.
Afterward, it would help if you decided whether to make the necessary corrections to your abnormalities and wait for your spouse to effect changes in the same way.
If you feel your best contribution has been exhausted and you have done all necessary to save the marriage from drowning but all to no avail, then you can opt-out if you so desire.
ALSO READ: How To Make My Wife Feel Special Always
2. Negativity over positive memories
Divorce can be the right answer when all the negativity that occurred in your marriage in the past is what you both can remember.
It is a common sign that a marriage is over when you or your significant partner only has negative memories associated with your marital life.
Honestly, there is no perfectly working marriage anywhere, as there are days of grudges and misunderstandings.
Yet, making this outweigh and affect plenty of positive days you’ve had is a sign of a bitter relationship that needed help or breakage.
Positive memories and positive energy are inspirations to fuel your future potential and drive motivations that will equip you for future challenges.
It is meant to be held on to because they determine what your future could be and makes it easier to remember your potential as a young couple
If a marriage is going to thrive, then the couple in the union must look at each other and feel inspired, satisfied and joyful.
If no positive emotions are associated with the union, the marriage is on fragile ground.
When the negativity can’t be redeemed after several attempts, the best for the couple is to path ways to save their future or, mostly, for their children’s sake.
Children can not be raised well when they have parents who always thrive on negativity. Their upbringing will be affected.
3. Think about the children
The effects of divorce continue for decades. It is not what you can mop out of your life so quickly and move on. Divorce leaves trails of unending heartache and devastation, even beyond the divorced couple.
Many other things connected to a broken marriage are meant to suffer the drift, among which are the innocent children.
They have to deal with the trauma of single parenthood for years to come.
According to Jane Anderson, a retired clinical professor of pediatrics at the University of California, her findings reveal that “with the exception of parents faced with irresolvable marital violence, children fare better when parents work at maintaining the marriage.”
A psychologist, Mavis Hetherington, makes a study on the effect of divorce on children. He said divorce affects children more; children tend to be at risk of displaying emotional, psychological and behavioral problems.
They suffer attachment issues, productive factors and resiliency following the divorce. However, this factor cannot be used to determine how well the children will do in life.
Over time, children of single parents have been successful, but it takes more than extra effort and care to bring them up to perfection.
Spouses on the verge of divorce must think twice and make a reasonable conclusion in the interest of their children.
Yet, if after the critical thought process and divorce is still the last resort, do not hesitate to go for it because staying in an abusive or non-working marriage may be more dangerous to the children.
4. The unending blame game
One of the drivers of a successful marital union is to take and admit responsibility. It is one of the strengths of a successful marriage.
One thing to know about a union that is on the brink of divorce is the continuous pointing of accusing fingers at each other. That union is close to an end when you are a master blamer or always at the receiving end.
Human beings naturally find it difficult to handle condemnation. Now imagine loads of condemnation and blame that will keep coming over and over.
When every single argument turns into a blame game, the marriage becomes threatened.
It is a sign of divorce when transgression and shortcomings are constantly brought up in every argument. This won’t only make the marriage toxic but can damage whatever bond you have been building over the years.
Every issue should be treated as independent of their own.
It is well understood that you can fuel your displeasure to each particular misconduct of your spouse, but making a reference point like “Maybe things would be different if you don’t do what you have done” can be daunting and formidable for your partner to deal with.
Be able to take responsibility for your own actions and leave the past for the past.
A never forget and forgive attitude cannot sustain a union for a long time.
However, having a union where there are constant blame games on every argument and your partner refuses to change after several attempts to register your displeasure is a solid indication that your partner is tired of you and can’t wait for you to ask for a divorce.
5. Abuse and domestic violence
There is absolutely no need to inquire whether or not divorce is the right answer where the relationship triggers domestic violence, spousal and child abuse (mental or physical).
A quick decision and drastic step should be taken when your safety is in jeopardy.
Waiting for the formal divorce process, seeing a marriage counselor or the approval of a lawyer might be too late.
It would be best if you got out for the safety of yourself and your children.
Domestic abuse primarily records women as victims.
Studies show abuse occurs once in two-thirds of every marriage, with about 40% of children as physical witnesses of such abuse between their parents.
Many children who witness abuse from their parents tend to become an abuser in the future or have a high potential of becoming a victim in a violent relationship, and it keeps cycling that way.
In every abusive relationship, men tend to use power and violence to maintain control in a relationship over their partner.
Name-calling, intimidation, threats or coercion and always finding ways to blame the victims are significant ways of identifying an abuser.
They are intentional about their action, and waiting for them to change may be an effort in futility that might not yield any productive effort.
For your safety, the best is to flee from an abusive marriage as soon as possible. There is no point in being in a dilemma or trying to make things work, especially if cohabitation has started generating physical abuse.
If you are confused about what to do or whether or not divorce is the right answer for you, know that confusion is a lie and you are not even confused about what to do; you are only afraid of the action you know you need to take.
In other words, you know what to do, but fear is what is still holding you down.
One cardinal point you need to hold on to is that your life will remain controlled if your anxiety doesn’t stop. Take the choice of either stepping out or redeeming the marriage after your critical thoughtful process.